there are moments in life that give you a sudden jolt. where you stop taking in new information, sights, sounds, and thoughts and immediately succumb to a reminiscing daydream. usually, this comes when you least expect it and in catching you off guard, you are subliminally prompted to change a behavior or initiate a new one. one of those moments happened to me today and it followed the normal pattern; i stopped seeing, hearing and suddenly went into a reverie when i least expected it.
and it was while watching friends.
okay, well it wasnt necessarily friends. i was watching a behind the scenes special, one of those minisodes that gives you a backstage pass to everything production-wise, specifically the writing, directing, producing and acting processes. and as soon as i saw the actors go through a run through, staging blocking, running and rerunning lines, frequently breaking character all with scripts in hand, my memory coma commenced.
i flashed back to all of those times in high school theater when i was so happy and proud to be on stage. clutching that script, immersing myself in that character, and seeing that empty auditorium that promised a packed audience on opening night. the thrills and the nerves of performing all hitting me at once until i was so full of adrenaline that i blocked everything out except the characters and the dialogue. and post-performance was nothing but happy pandemonium. congratulations and flowers and hugs and squeals surrounding me until my mouth would form a permagrin that was sure to stick until two in the morning.
after i snapped out of my reverie and reverted back to reality, i realized how much i missed it. for nearly a year and a half, ive been denying myself the stage for reasons unknown or not yet realized. and following the form of these flashbacks, it inspired me to change my current behavior. if i missed the theater so damn much, then what was stopping me besides myself and my strange limitations? i immediately texted my kelley acting teacher and made plans for dinner on wednesday. shes always been a role model and an excellent counselor so i figure she must have some decent, if not wonderful, advice to give. i also googled theater opportunities in norman to actually get back in there instead of simply pining and i found a great local troupe.
the thing is, im not that girl who refuses to graduate; that person who lives in the past and relishes in the glory days of high school. because honestly, while high school was great and i had a lot of success, i dont want that time back. i just want the theater back. the parts i want and the parts ill never get, the friends i love and those people i love to hate, and not only the relationships with the cast and crew but with the characters. i miss that. and i want that back.
and im gonna get it back.
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