its just one of those days..

im freaking.

i just cant seem to stop shaking inside. i get like this when im worried or anxious. its like i need to go run a marathon to get my mind off of everything but i cant because i dont have the time or the endurance.
my faith is shaken. i dont know what to believe or if i have the capacity to believe. but i want to believe. god i want to so badly.
how about this? i believe that i will get through today. i believe that i will go to sleep tonight and i believe that i will wake up in the morning (late, but still.) i believe that i will get in front of my class and deliver a speech about volunteering. i believe that i will sit down afterwards and feel relieved. i believe that tomorrow will be a landmark day in my life, but i believe that ill survive it. the pain wont kill me. i believe that my sister and my dad will always love me and i believe that will save me.

i do have the capacity to believe. in the little things. but honestly, isnt that what really matters? life is about learning to realize that the big things are insignificant and the little things are monumental.

so im going to focus on the little things and let the big things slip away.
im going to get an icee tonight.
im going to finish this speech.
im going to relax with stephen colbert at 1030.
im going to be okay.
its all going to be okay.

i believe it.