prepare yourself, 2011

my new years resolutions are starting a little early..
i guess theyre actually old years resolutions.. (or am i just extremely prompt?)

anyways, these are the things i want to change about myself within the next week and next year.

1. work out more
             this is the most generic new years-old years resolution there is. but really, i do want to get in shape. my inspiration on this one is my dad. a year or two ago, he had the same resolution but instead of getting a gym membership he never used, he got himself a bike and used it six times a week. now, hes 30+ pounds lighter and in fantastic shape. hes the same size as my 22 year old brother and probably in better physical condition. so if he can do it, so can i.
so, im going to take advantage of all the free trial gym memberships in the tulsa metro area until break is over. right now, im off to golds gym for a free seven day vip trial and then next week, who knows.. if i cant find a free one, ill run outside. (thats still free, right?) but the point is that im doing it. woop woop for living past the age of 35!

2. journal more
             last year i journaled every night before i went to bed. it was a fantastic habit because it helped me remember everything about that day and therefore it helped me to remember my life better. there are those instances in life that are meant to pass unnoticed but journaling makes that near impossible (if thoroughly done.) i used to write an average of five composition book pages a night. (yeah. thats right. i ramble there too.) and while blogging is great because i can type faster than i can write and its fun to see the pretty font colors, i cant completely vent to the internet because, well, its the internet. and since anyone can read this (although im sure nobody does) cant take that risk.
so, im going to keep my trusty comp book by my bed and every night ill write in it. and if i dont, ill guilt myself into doing it. (im irish catholic, guilting is what we do..)

3. eat more fruits and vegetables.
              im that picky little kid who refuses to eat the vegetables on her plate. dont know what it is, but i just cant. well thats not entirely true.. i eat carrots, green beans and the occasional potato but if those were the only necessaries, the produce section would be almost entirely useless. as for fruits, the only tree-foods i enjoy are apples and only red delicious ones at that. (delicious is in the name. and that, my friends, is truth in advertising)
so, when i go to the store, im going to not only buy my fruitable staples but ill also venture out and try a new one every week (granted that the money supply remains high) and hopefully, thatll help with the 'living past the age of 35' deal.

alright three resolutions is enough pressure. so now that ive set these goals, im going to go do them! and im going to make them stick!

at least until the second week in february..

--amandamargaret

a simple little daydream

there are moments in life that give you a sudden jolt. where you stop taking in new information, sights, sounds, and thoughts and immediately succumb to a reminiscing daydream. usually, this comes when you least expect it and in catching you off guard, you are subliminally prompted to change a behavior or initiate a new one. one of those moments happened to me today and it followed the normal pattern; i stopped seeing, hearing and suddenly went into a reverie when i least expected it. 

and it was while watching friends.

okay, well it wasnt necessarily friends. i was watching a behind the scenes special, one of those minisodes that gives you a backstage pass to everything production-wise, specifically the writing, directing, producing and acting processes. and as soon as i saw the actors go through a run through, staging blocking, running and rerunning lines, frequently breaking character all with scripts in hand, my memory coma commenced.

i flashed back to all of those times in high school theater when i was so happy and proud to be on stage. clutching that script, immersing myself in that character, and seeing that empty auditorium that promised a packed audience on opening night. the thrills and the nerves of performing all hitting me at once until i was so full of adrenaline that i blocked everything out except the characters and the dialogue. and post-performance was nothing but happy pandemonium. congratulations and flowers and hugs and squeals surrounding me until my mouth would form a permagrin that was sure to stick until two in the morning.

after i snapped out of my reverie and reverted back to reality, i realized how much i missed it. for nearly a year and a half, ive been denying myself the stage for reasons unknown or not yet realized. and following the form of these flashbacks, it inspired me to change my current behavior. if i missed the theater so damn much, then what was stopping me besides myself and my strange limitations? i immediately texted my kelley acting teacher and made plans for dinner on wednesday. shes always been a role model and an excellent counselor so i figure she must have some decent, if not wonderful, advice to give. i also googled theater opportunities in norman to actually get back in there instead of simply pining and i found a great local troupe.

the thing is, im not that girl who refuses to graduate; that person who lives in the past and relishes in the glory days of high school. because honestly, while high school was great and i had a lot of success, i dont want that time back. i just want the theater back. the parts i want and the parts ill never get, the friends i love and those people i love to hate, and not only the relationships with the cast and crew but with the characters. i miss that. and i want that back.

and im gonna get it back.

we are not alone

so i was watching the history channel with my sister today, (yeah, i watch the big H for fun. hence the history ed major.) and i happened to stumble upon the most magnificent series.
no, it wasnt patton 360. (good one)
or decoded (its like national treasure.. but real)
not even the rise of the third reich. (holy shit, its ridiculous.)
it was none other than ancient aliens.
*cue x files theme music*

ancient aliens is a pretty self explanatory documentary. it interviews prominent historians about the overwhelming evidence that this planet's inhabitants have been visited by other planet's inhabitants more than we would like to imagine.
and. it. ROCKS.
seriously, it all makes so much sense if you take the time to think about it. the ancient egyptians along with the mayans (who are halfway across the world) simply thought at the exact same time, "i know what ill do today.. build a gargantuan triangular structure that has no real significance to our empire except it being alot cooler than a 4x3 tombstone." no. its because aliens came down and told them to do it. also, its damn near impossible to create a similar structure in the modern world because our technology simply cannot accomplish such a task. yet primitive people who lived thousands of years ago just happened to build it? pshaw. these are the same people who mummified their domesticated pets and ground them into a fine powder to use as medicine. sorry, but no. theres even evidence of one pharoah that could possibly BE an alien. and thats just one example. this show was hours long and it had alot more credibility and substance that this post. this shit is real. and its awesome.

so next time youre flipping through the telly and pass channel sixty-one (for those of you in the okc metropolitan area) stick around. you might learn something and eventually be immersed in conspiracies and new ideas like yours truly.

--amandamargaret

workworkwork

my name is amanda and i am a workaholic.

since ive started working at panera bread, quite a few things have changed.
first, ive eaten sixty million pastries.
second, ive mopped more floors, cleaned more tables and refilled more butter buckets than any given human should in their entire lifetime.
third, ive worked an absurd amount of hours.

example a: in the past five days, ive worked a total of 29.6 hours.
example b: in the next five days, im scheduled for 20 hours.
for you lazy first-grade mathematicians, thats a grand total of 49.6 hours in ten days. after seeing the schedule and living through the shifts, my body has shut down all emotional capabilities but one.
EXHAUSTION.
you might be thinking, "yeah amanda, thats alot of hours, but how hard is slicing bagels and serving coffee?"
and to you i angrily shout, "oohh how wrong and stupid you are." because yes, i do slice bagels and serve coffee. but im also responsible for making all the different drink combinations, filling the coffee urns, cashiering, running the bakery, clearing tables, stocking bagels, stocking pastries, stocking lids, cups, napkins, butter, straws, and everything else under the bread-based sun. and let me tell you, after seven hours running around a cafe/bakery without a sitdown, you'd be softly whimpering too.

but wait a minute..
what's that i see?
could it be a silver lining?
whats that noise i hear?
cha.... ching.....
chaCHIIIIIIIIING

oh that must be the sound of my paycheck direct depositing itself into my bank account.
my paycheck worth 384 dollars and forty cents!!

so after realizing the enormous monetary gain that all this hard work will get me, i guess its all worth it in the end. i know the people on the receiving end of my christmas presents will certainly agree.

its one more lesson for one more course in the school of life.
i just wish a diploma wasnt this hard to get..

--amandamargaret

obsession

SO OBSESSED WITH THIS QUOTE.

an arrow goes forward only after pulling it backward. a bullet goes forward only after pressing the trigger backward. everyone will be happy only after facing the difficulties in their life. so do not fear your struggles, they will push you forward.

thank you stumbleupon.com.. thank you..

new blog: new mission

alright folks, ive stumbled upon a new mission. a mission that ive already explained to my brand new other blog and am a little too tired to explain again.

i hereby bestow upon you, the link for my new blog, the quest for domestication.

ill still write on this one about my life and times but my other blog will be an almost daily update on my culinary activities. which im so excited about that i cant even put it into typefont. except maybe like this..

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah i think that brings the point across..

anyways, check out the link and keep up with the kitchen crusade!

--amandamargaret

be.

its 304 am. im on the couch with my sisters head on my shoulder. (dont worry, the rest of her body is attached.) shes asleep and i am nowhere near my rem cycles.

its interesting what happens when i sit in silence for an extended period of time. i can hear more. like the hum of my centralized fan, the drone of my laptop, the tick tock of the click clock.. i can feel more. like my right shoulder slowly going numb from the weight of mary kates head, the pre-arthritic pains in my knees due to poor genes, the choppy air flow from the aforementioned fan. its interesting what happens when you step back from always talking, always hustling, always moving lifestyle that so many of us lead and simply.. sit. just be. its relaxing and refreshing. and the longer i participate in nonparticpation, the more and more tired i become. hey, this is better than lunesta! (then again, this might just be time taking its toll. i mean, it is 3am for the saviors sake..)

haaanyways..

i decorated the apartment for christmas today. i listened to bing crosby while sprucing up the place. may i mention that i am deeply in love with him? yes, it may be slightly creepy to profess love for a dead man, but my lord, his voice is butter. its better than butter. it has no calories, something that butter simply cannot claim. so after the christmafacation, i went to work and work i did. five hours of confusing cashier duties and no breaks. however, i did recieve a bowl of soup in return (theres that silver lining.) so alls well that ends well.

speaking of ending well, im going to end this post with a happy thought.

"you cant laugh and be afraid at the same time" -reverend stephen tyrone colbert D.F.A.

poignant steph. very poignant..

--amandamcoughlin

its just one of those days..

im freaking.

i just cant seem to stop shaking inside. i get like this when im worried or anxious. its like i need to go run a marathon to get my mind off of everything but i cant because i dont have the time or the endurance.
my faith is shaken. i dont know what to believe or if i have the capacity to believe. but i want to believe. god i want to so badly.
how about this? i believe that i will get through today. i believe that i will go to sleep tonight and i believe that i will wake up in the morning (late, but still.) i believe that i will get in front of my class and deliver a speech about volunteering. i believe that i will sit down afterwards and feel relieved. i believe that tomorrow will be a landmark day in my life, but i believe that ill survive it. the pain wont kill me. i believe that my sister and my dad will always love me and i believe that will save me.

i do have the capacity to believe. in the little things. but honestly, isnt that what really matters? life is about learning to realize that the big things are insignificant and the little things are monumental.

so im going to focus on the little things and let the big things slip away.
im going to get an icee tonight.
im going to finish this speech.
im going to relax with stephen colbert at 1030.
im going to be okay.
its all going to be okay.

i believe it.