excursions at walmart

so after class, i made a mini trip to walmart (otherwise known as wage-cut-istan or the land of no benefits) cause i had been craving lemon poppyseed muffins for about eight months give or take a couple weeks and seeing as they have an auto-care, garden gallery, full supermarket and miley cyrus' entire clothing line i would assume that they have something as simple as a lemony baked good. but to my utter shock and total disgruntlement (is that a word?) they didnt freaking have them. i asked three walmart employees where they hid them and they did not take to me kindly. they certainly did not live up to the slaphappy smiley face on their nametags thats for damn sure. so instead of plopping down in the middle of the bakery section and wailing, i grabbed the nearest and second best baked good; a box of six buttery croissants. which honestly, is not that much of a step down seeing as they taste better than eucharist. and by eucharist i dont mean that best choice brand wheat thin that they serve at mass, i mean jesus' body. it tastes like salvation.

so after i had chosen my breakfast food for the week, i began to head over to the self checkout (i have yet to fully complete a transaction at the self checkout without somehow screwing it all up and mandating the nearest grumbling employee to roll their eyes at my lack of touch screen knowledge and stomp over to "help,"  a term that i very very loosely use.) but i quickly became distracted by the massive pumpkin display smack dab in the middle of the main aisle (still cant figure out how i missed it the first time.. it was literally taller than me.) and since im all about autumn, i couldnt help but freak out and throw eight of the highly-pigmented vegetables in my cart. after realizing that i didnt want to spend thirty-two dollars on pumpkins, i put six of the less attractive ones back. (sadly, i judge a pumpkin by its bright-as-john-boehner's-skin cover.) but then i discovered the brand new pumpkin hybrid; the tiger pumpkin. so i promptly threw three in my cart and ran for the register before my frugality could take hold of my reason. and even though the cost was more than ridiculous for barely edible vegetables, i remain proud in my purchases. now i just need scalpels and a childlike whimsy and next thing you know, ill produce a family of jackolanterns. maybe i can class one up like a kennedy and call her jackie o lantern. how halloween chic..

the moral of the story is that the only thing walmart is good for is encouraging impulse buyng, disappointing customers on bakery items and slashing employee benefits like theyre freddy krueger.

next time, im going to target.

--amandamargaret