school aint cool

this. is. impossible.

im not talking about skipping up mount everest sans oxygen or trying to imagine what muhammad actually looks like or attempting to raise christine o'donnells IQ above 85. no. im talking about a truly unreachable feat:  finishing my research paper.

DUNDUNDUNNNNNNN...

and before you say, "oh amanda, get over yourself. just buckle down and write the damn thing." you should shut up. because ive tried many times to sit down at the computer and let the inspiration flow from my cranium to my fingertips but then i get distracted by something. like my tapping foot. or dust. its no secret that i suffer from a detrimental case of adhd. (the moment i came out of the womb i was distracted by the shiny chrome light fixtures.) ive ingested the equivalent of a pharmeceutical warehouse in concentration medication but the side effects of jittery-ness, constant hunger and a meaner, more sarcastic personality outweight the intended effect of calming-the-eff down. so i paused the prescriptions and instead simply tried to embrace my adhd-ness. but unfortunately, with great hyperactivity comes great procrastination. because honestly, if youve got enough crazy shit bouncing around in your head and enough energy to power the state of maryland, youre not going to sit down for four hours straight and write a five page paper on the most boring topic in the world. no. youre going to make several attempts and then realize how profoundly dull it is, and instead, go outside. unfortunately, college doesnt give you credit for the amount of smiles per semester. instead they count "grades" and "papers" and "amount of sleep you can get away with in class." (actually, thats a tally i keep for myself..)

i know im going to eventually force myself to pause the procrastination and get the gears a-movin because ive got a bigger goal in mind. i want a college degree so that i can make more money and make a better life for myself. i just wish i could fall asleep and wake up four years later with a degree. or better yet, i wish i could stay awake, travel the world, hang out with stephen colbert, jon stewart and my little cousins, eat my way across the united states, italy and france, go shopping, watch suspense flicks, frequent the zoo, and four years later end up with a degree. ive even chosen my major. im majoring in life with a minor in humor.

now thats cool school..

--amandamargaret

i wish i was leavin on a jet plane..

as life in norman steadily rolls on, i find myself becoming increasingly bored with my surroundings. its not nearly as bad as last year, since edmond is basically the white-bread capital of the midwest. (the most exciting thing that has happened in that town was the fact that the olympic gymnast, shannon miller, went to middle school there. needless to say, that town was BUMPIN.) but ive been feeling more and more stagnant. ive been daydreaming about my summer trip to mount zion and colorado and im itching to get back.. i mean, jesus, just look at it..

no wonder john denver wrote so many freaking
songs about aspen..

apparently, there is more to utah than
polygamy

the travel bug is more contagious than swine flu (also alot more pleasant) and ive been infected once again.

i believe this calls for a travel channel marathon.

--amandamargaret

tententen

october tenth, two thousand and ten.
what a historic day.

for the first time in a century, the date will read ten ten ten. thats the same number three times. its almost as cool as last year on september ninth. and the year before on august eighth. and the year before on july seventh. its almost like how a calendar works! couples are probably getting married on this specific day so that they can tell their children how good they were at spotting numerological patterns. expectant mothers are probably taking breaks from screaming at their husbands to scream at their obgyns to induce them on this specific day so that they can have the best birthing story of all the moms at pta meetings. and sandwich shops are probably using this repetitive date to drive up sales with the panini promotion of a lifetime.
OHMYGOD!! just think! people are going to actually buy ten baguettes to get ten free! people are actually going to walk out of lee's sandwich shop with twenty baguettes! people will have enough bread to feed the entire town of east thermopolis, wyoming and yet theyll probably end up using it for sandwiches until the date reads 11/11/11. mmm.. useless gluttony...

in other news..

two days ago, i registered to vote. so ladies and gentlemen i would like to take this moment to announce my official party membership.

i am very proud to say that i am an official....
(cue annoyingly long drumroll)...
DEMOCRAT!!
(DA DAAHHHH!! *cymbal crash*)
thats right, im an ass. but honestly id rather an ass rather than a blundering gargantuan with a brain the size of a peanut that has had its dignity slowly but surely stripped away by continuously being the mediocre star of circuses worldwide. funnily enough, that perfectly describes many republicans.. way to go thomas nast.. i believe you hit the nail on the head with that one.
but i am very proud that i registered. i obviously couldnt register or vote in the last election cause i was seventeen (damn you twenty-sixth amendment!) so when i turned eighteen, i immediately began to wait until the last minute to register. even though i am a proud citizen of the american nation, i still hold dual citizenship of the procrasti-nation so i had to uphold my "ill-do-it-later-duties." (also a member of the colbert nation and imagi-nation) so five hundred and twenty nine days later, i registered and now i feel like a real citizen. now i get to have a say in how our country is run. because i registered, there is one more ballot that has to be counted and one more voice that gets heard before it is quickly muted by the majority that does not agree with me. awesome. still it is a patriotic duty that i believe everyone should fufill. plus you get that "i voted" sticker and some candy from the voting place. patriotism at its finest!

oh my god. its 3:45 on 10/10/10! these chronological and repetitive time and date patterns are too much for me to handle. now if youll excuse me, im going to count my ten fingers and ten toes ten times while singing this song in my head.
--amandamargaret

excursions at walmart

so after class, i made a mini trip to walmart (otherwise known as wage-cut-istan or the land of no benefits) cause i had been craving lemon poppyseed muffins for about eight months give or take a couple weeks and seeing as they have an auto-care, garden gallery, full supermarket and miley cyrus' entire clothing line i would assume that they have something as simple as a lemony baked good. but to my utter shock and total disgruntlement (is that a word?) they didnt freaking have them. i asked three walmart employees where they hid them and they did not take to me kindly. they certainly did not live up to the slaphappy smiley face on their nametags thats for damn sure. so instead of plopping down in the middle of the bakery section and wailing, i grabbed the nearest and second best baked good; a box of six buttery croissants. which honestly, is not that much of a step down seeing as they taste better than eucharist. and by eucharist i dont mean that best choice brand wheat thin that they serve at mass, i mean jesus' body. it tastes like salvation.

so after i had chosen my breakfast food for the week, i began to head over to the self checkout (i have yet to fully complete a transaction at the self checkout without somehow screwing it all up and mandating the nearest grumbling employee to roll their eyes at my lack of touch screen knowledge and stomp over to "help,"  a term that i very very loosely use.) but i quickly became distracted by the massive pumpkin display smack dab in the middle of the main aisle (still cant figure out how i missed it the first time.. it was literally taller than me.) and since im all about autumn, i couldnt help but freak out and throw eight of the highly-pigmented vegetables in my cart. after realizing that i didnt want to spend thirty-two dollars on pumpkins, i put six of the less attractive ones back. (sadly, i judge a pumpkin by its bright-as-john-boehner's-skin cover.) but then i discovered the brand new pumpkin hybrid; the tiger pumpkin. so i promptly threw three in my cart and ran for the register before my frugality could take hold of my reason. and even though the cost was more than ridiculous for barely edible vegetables, i remain proud in my purchases. now i just need scalpels and a childlike whimsy and next thing you know, ill produce a family of jackolanterns. maybe i can class one up like a kennedy and call her jackie o lantern. how halloween chic..

the moral of the story is that the only thing walmart is good for is encouraging impulse buyng, disappointing customers on bakery items and slashing employee benefits like theyre freddy krueger.

next time, im going to target.

--amandamargaret

seriously gleeking out

okay so while watching glee, i go through an entire spectum of emotions. allow me to recap the episode in the most loquacious way possible.

first, im freaking the eff out because none other than the great william joel is being featured on the show. as puck sings his song 'only the good die young' im dancing like a psychotic gypsy around the apartment and singing along. just in case you dont know, which im guessing you dont, billy joel is my all-time favorite artist on the globe. i would sell a kidney to go to one of his concerts. yeah. im that kind of obsessed.

second, kurts dad falls dramatically to the ground in his car shop or wherever he works. (what does he do again?) next scene zooms in on kurts heartbroken face as they tell him that his dad has suffered a heart attack. while burt hummels heart is attacking, my heart is breaking. the look on kurts face.. no fabulous gay man should have to go through pain like that. (yes i realize this is a tv show but i sympathize with fabulousity and gay men. i love them both.)

anyways blahdiblah rachel sings an annoying song about papas and mamas and not the molesting john phillips kind. OH I WENT THERE. its basically just lea michele fufilling her two-song-an-episode contract with the show and the entire time, im just waiting for her overdramatic and over-synthesized solo to end. seriously, that girl rubs me a certain way and its alll wrong. just cant stand her. blearghh

also, through the entire episode, finn the jock is utterly convinced that hes found a direct line to god through an overcooked grilled cheese sandwich he's dubbed "grilled cheezus." way to go finn. youve found a name so cleverly obvious and totally wierd at the same time. at least he's worshipping a tasty food and not a bag of pork rinds or an overly ripened avocado.

fast-forward to the typical swaying-and-screaming-in-the-aisle black baptist church (stereotypes are fun, arent they?) kurt, dressed in his sun-gay best listens to mercedes belt out 'bridge over troubled water.' i swear the girl has got more pipes than the sewage system of chicago. its very heartwarming to see kurt start to warm up to religion. or maybe he just looks that happy because of all the big black women's church hats.

back at the hospital, after a truly heartwrenching childhood reminiscing, kurts dad's hand twitches! he is comatose no longer! praise be to chanel almighty!

after everything winds down, the club de glee sings 'what if god was one of us' a song that kindof freaks me out to begin with but when they are all dressed in white with spotlight halos dancing on their heads it just gets a little too creepy. and to top off the show, in the most dramatic way possible, finn does the unthinkable.. HE EATS THE MESSIANDWICH!!! (the more cheesy and buttery cousin of the traditional eucharist) hopefully this just means that he will resorb christs healing and magical powers in order to get New Directions a freaking first place win next season. cause they did so badly at sectionals. i mean really its just sad.

that was my gleekout. hope you enjoyed.

--amandamargaret

cause: insomnia. effect: blog posts.

i. cant. sleep.
which is totally awesome in the way that its not at all. cause im freaking exhausty. well, my body is exhaustified but my brain is in overdrive which im sure happens to everyone at least six nights a week. no? its just me? fan-bloody-tastic.

in other news.
NOTRE DAME WON. thats right non-believers, our lady of notre dame kicked the ever-loving snot out of the boston college eagles and then laughed at their plight. 31-13. and throughout the entire game, boston college only gained ten rushing yards. im pretty sure that means bc sucks it. a-booyah. i would have been cheering on my boys on the telly but i had work for the entirety of the game. so i got text updates from nd.edu. theyre detailed and free and i love them. cant wait to see them play live on october 30!!
also OU WON. which was lovely. cause bexas tlows. so all in all it was a great saturday for amanda's football teams.

okay so if you (im talking to you, three followers) didnt pick it up already, im obsessed with a man named stephen tyrone colbert. and if i wasnt already going to the hallowed ground we call notre dame stadium, i would be at his march to keep fear alive before you could say stephen colbeagle the eagle. but i still want to rep the colbert nation pride by purchasing one of these hoodies/tshirts and wearing them everywhere.
http://www.cafepress.com/+team_colbert_zip_hoodie_dark,468613326
http://www.cafepress.com/+march_to_keep_fear_alive_shirt,469691978
http://www.cafepress.com/+keep_fear_alive_hoodie_dark,470334696
donations are welcome.

i need to get up in six hours. i dont know how that is possible.
peace internet. see ya next time i get bored.
--amandamargaret